This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Brandon Cohen DC, CSCS September 13, 2018 at 9:47 am.
September 11, 2018 at 7:08 pm #5492
Brandon Cohen DC, CSCSParticipant
I’m not sure if anybody can handle all the thoughts in my head, but I want to share a little.
I have done the lumbar/hip seminar several times, and don’t care to look back and see how many times it has been. I’ve also worked on the material at the office and in small groups. I came into the weekend with certain expectations of proficiency.
Saturday was a punch in the mouth. I couldn’t feel or do erectors or capsule very well. I received great corrections, but couldn’t put it all together and deliver treatment to a reasonable standard. I was upset and frustrated. I tried too hard and felt like I couldn’t figure it out. Practice and failure were critical to my development, because after coming home I have applied the corrections, and the last two days my QLF treatments have been really good. I kept hearing how you need to lean into the contact hand, and I thought I was, but now I am. It’s incredible.
I spend quite a bit of time thinking about my purpose and mission and the next steps to accomplish those things. I make minor and major course corrections frequently. I rarely sleep very much the Sunday night after a seminar as I think and ponder on all the things I learned and how far I have to go, and this was no exception to that rule. I have asked myself what it is that I want, whether that’s to be the best doctor as fast as possible, or to provide best for my family, or to do the things that make me most happy, or make the biggest difference in the lives of others, and many other things.
I recognize that goals and desires change, and that’s okay. It was only 2 years ago I was working a micropractice and doing everything including all the insurance billing and eob processing. I was perfectly content to do that, and thought it silly to have any employees. A year ago, I thought I would never hire another doctor, or be an employee. None are bad, it only depends on where my goals and desires are, and who’s on board.
Another thing that I continue to learn and realize is that I am the rate-limiting step (for all you O-chem nerds out there). When change comes, I am consistently the last one to get on board. My wife, mentors, and friends are all super jazzed when I discuss what the next step or series of steps are. I get analysis paralysis and sit and wait. I know this and am getting better but them’s the facts.
If you don’t have thoughts of inadequacy or a bit of imposter syndrome, then good on you, but for those who have made it through this small sample of my brain and thoughts, if you have these feelings or concerns, know that you are not alone.
I think that last sentence had way too many commas. Here’s to not proofreading!
Attachments:You must be logged in to view attached files.September 12, 2018 at 7:26 am #5493
I told my spiritual healer last Thursday that I had overcome shame and it was no longer a thing I carried with me in life.
The ID Path of Mastery would say otherwise.
Similar to you Brandon, Saturday, I had rather enormous shame that came as I continued to struggle with technique the way I have dozens of times.
For 2-3 hours Saturday, my head was wrestling with, “What the fuck is the point of all of this?” If I could come up with a path that allowed me to just be without negatively affecting my family, I would’ve taken it. Or, the more quoted, “If I had 10 million dollars, what would I do with my time?”
I’ve been having this recurring dream for the past 10 years where a football game or season is coming up and I either A) haven’t been watching film or B) haven’t been working out. The theme is “lack of preparation”, coming from a place of “If I’m not perfect, why bother? Just don’t show up.” The interesting thing is, no one outworked me on the football field.
I found it interesting that I had this dream on the heels of what I felt Saturday at the seminar.
My take-homes from this?
A) I really appreciate that I’m not emotionally alone on this path. I appreciate your path, Brandon, and Carl’s acknowledgement of what we go through as we emotionally wrestle with how to best serve our people and create a life that we will be proud of before we die.
B) I woke up today and it’s a new day. I’m often amazed how much my mind/body resists doing what I know I have to do. I focus on #1 thing and it helps me keep moving.
TY.September 12, 2018 at 8:40 am #5494
Thank you both for the feedback on the seminar, and the awesome level of expectation that you hold yourselves too. We often talk about the humility required to be excellent at this work, and the reality is to be excellent at anything you have to be humble. You both expressed beautifully in your comments that while uncomfortable you will continue to pursue excellence. Both of you, much like all of the high quality people found in ID have to have purpose. Helping people to your highest ability is great purpose. Thank you again for the feedback and I look foward to more purpose building education!!September 12, 2018 at 12:11 pm #5495
William Brady, DCParticipant
Thank you so much for posting. A few thoughts:
All great things require struggle. The interesting thing is that half of struggle is due to the mismatch between where we think we are and where we are. Try to show up zen, with no expectations. Instead have a plan. The plan is to follow the steps (slowly and carefully), collect feedback, make corrections, make progress, get better and better.
As soon as you think you have it, you stop being purposeful and careful. Then it doesn’t work as well. Then you get frustrated. Then you have to undo the frustration. Then you can learn. It’s a much longer way to walk the path.
Lastly, as Matt noted, you keep moving the bar up. A good bit of the frustration is how high the bar now is. I know for a fact you are both performing better than ever and by a huge margin.
The feeling of not “getting it perfect” fast enough is part of what continues to drive you to mastery. So embrace that feeling… a little bit.
ThanksSeptember 13, 2018 at 9:47 am #5496
Brandon Cohen DC, CSCSParticipant
Thanks for the thoughts. I went into Sunday with no expectations.
This is something that I’ve been working on for a little bit. Not having expectations when entering into a room with a patient. Whether new patient or follow up visits. Its a lot of work and certainly isn’t easy for me. It feels a little awkward to have a high bar to aim for and maintain no expectations.
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